I made sure to get an appointment as soon as possible. Dr. prescribed me on 200mg of progesterone daily and follow up December 20th to make sure its working.
He did an enternal exam, and saw no blood. Hopefully the low progesterone was caught early.
Apprently 5 is the LOWEST amount of progesterone one can have to sustain a pregnancy. Thank Gd I was so pushy to get blood drawn.
Hope it helps!
DH and I are going on a cruise this weekend, I am excited to get away and not think about all this crap :)
Monday, December 10, 2012
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
...and the other shoe drops!
After the u/s yesterday, I walked into my OB's office. I wanted to switch my appt next week to another Dr in the practice. I am not happy with mine. He did not have any available appointments. I asked if I could get bloodwork done. From charting I know my LP was really short. I rather be safe than sorry.
Luckily I did, my HCG was very high! My progesterone dropped to 5. Thankfully I called the nurse for the results and she says "yah you need to come in tomorrow to see the Dr." why wouldnt you call me this morning? I would have rushed over!!! I hate that I am just another patient and they dont care! Ughh! So yesterday I was on a high, now back low.
Hopefully I can get some supplements and we will be back on track!
Luckily I did, my HCG was very high! My progesterone dropped to 5. Thankfully I called the nurse for the results and she says "yah you need to come in tomorrow to see the Dr." why wouldnt you call me this morning? I would have rushed over!!! I hate that I am just another patient and they dont care! Ughh! So yesterday I was on a high, now back low.
Hopefully I can get some supplements and we will be back on track!
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
thump thump, thump thump.
It's a heartbeat!!!
I can't believe it! I was so nervous for the ultrasound today. It brought back all the fears and disappointments from my last pregnancy. I was so relieved. I am still petrified. I dont think I will be ok until July. Day by day!
DH went with me today. To me he seemed like he didn't care, he wasn't excited or anything. He just said "yah it's what I expected" He isn't the type to get excited or giddy, but it would be nice if he would. Hopefully when peanut starts looking like a person he will be more excited.
DH went with me today. To me he seemed like he didn't care, he wasn't excited or anything. He just said "yah it's what I expected" He isn't the type to get excited or giddy, but it would be nice if he would. Hopefully when peanut starts looking like a person he will be more excited.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Waiting game...
I have my u/s appointment tomorrow. I am excited but nervous! Symptoms have come and gone, but from what I read that's normal. I wish I had some m/s so I would feel more reassured :)
I am concerned about my progesterone levels dropping. I am not going to my reg. dr tomorrow so I cant ask. That appt in next week. I hate waiting another week. I guess Ill see what happens tomorrow, fx everything turns out ok! Please peanut be ok!
I am concerned about my progesterone levels dropping. I am not going to my reg. dr tomorrow so I cant ask. That appt in next week. I hate waiting another week. I guess Ill see what happens tomorrow, fx everything turns out ok! Please peanut be ok!
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Having some pain...
It could be my PGAL brain (preg. after a loss) but I had some pain on my right side.
I called the OB, they wanted to rule out an eptopic pregnancy (when fert. egg implants in tube not uterus) I went to the a different doctor. Mine was full, so they sent me somewhere else.
I was 4week 6 days that day, The tech did an ultrasound. There was peanut! measuring 5weeks 1 day. :)
Here is peanut!
They found a cyst on my ovary, which is normal during pregnancy. I was advised not to do strenuous activity and relax.
It is routine for this place to see me in 2 weeks to follow up. I should be 6weeks 4 days at the next ultrasound. Hopefully there will be a heartbeat! Once we see a heartbeat then I will tell our parents. Please G-d let there be a heartbeat!
I called the OB, they wanted to rule out an eptopic pregnancy (when fert. egg implants in tube not uterus) I went to the a different doctor. Mine was full, so they sent me somewhere else.
I was 4week 6 days that day, The tech did an ultrasound. There was peanut! measuring 5weeks 1 day. :)
Here is peanut!
It is routine for this place to see me in 2 weeks to follow up. I should be 6weeks 4 days at the next ultrasound. Hopefully there will be a heartbeat! Once we see a heartbeat then I will tell our parents. Please G-d let there be a heartbeat!
EDD: July 26 2013
I did get pregnant again extremely quickly. I was extremely happy. G-d willing this once results in a healthy baby.
I cannot imagine going through another loss.
I call the doctor. I wanted to come in for blood work to make sure my betas (hgc level and progesterone levels are going up)
Beta#1: HCG 25 Prog. 11.4
25 is low, but as long as it doubles in 24-36 hours we are in good shape!
11.4 is low. normal is 20, but my OB doesnt give supplements unless your below 9.
Beta#2 HCG 75 Prog. 12.2
Trippled! thats awesome!!
Prog is low. I am concerned. Dr said its fine.
The issue with my OB, they have many patients I feel like a bother every time I call. its a factory one person in the the next. I feel like they don't know your name It is very impersonal. Not so happy with them.
Here we go again
So finally a new cycle started after our miscarriage. Here we go again!
It's the end of September. Our journey started in April.
6 months and only two cycles to show for it. Guess it takes longer than 9 months!
Since my loss, my cycle was out of wack. Instead of Ovulating in the 20s. I didnt until day 35. Timing was decent.
8dpo (days past O) - Neg.
9dpo- Neg.
11dpo. POSITIVE! here we go again!
It's the end of September. Our journey started in April.
6 months and only two cycles to show for it. Guess it takes longer than 9 months!
Since my loss, my cycle was out of wack. Instead of Ovulating in the 20s. I didnt until day 35. Timing was decent.
8dpo (days past O) - Neg.
9dpo- Neg.
11dpo. POSITIVE! here we go again!
Family meeting
My mom and dad told me to come over. They wanted to talk about my emotions and how I was feeling. Two months late, but whatever. My dad kind of understood what I was going though. My Mom not really. Oh well. Thankfully, she never expirienced it.
One step forward, two steps back
October.
It has been two months since the loss.
It had been a few weeks since I cried about the loss.
I was our grandparents anniversary party.
The party I was going to announce our pregnancy.
It was a bit of an open wound.
At dinner we had my parents, bother, SIL, my nephew, aunt, uncle, cousins, and grandparents together. I love my cousins and I rarely get to see them. I was so happy to be with them, it was a great night. SIL (sister-in-law) said she wasnt feeling well and wanted to go sit in another room my brother went with. It hit me Holy Shit she's pregnant. When they left the table I looked at my parents and asked quietly. My mom says no shaking her head and my father had a smirk on his face.
I didn't know which was worse my mom blatantly lying to me or my dad smirking. It was as if he was smirking at my misery. My suspicion had been confirmed. She was pregnant. Tears streamed down my face. There was no holding back. This meal that I was supposed to announce our pregnancy, I find out about hers.
I was so upset. My Brother and SIL have the most unstable marriage I've ever seen. My brother doesnt realize most of the comments he makes to others are border line abusive and hurtful. We barely have a relationship. I am shocked SIL hasnt left him yet let alone have another child. My parents never corrected his behavior and outbursts, I guess they feel partly responsible for the way he turned out. When he treats my parents like shit, they just accept it. "He's a grown man, he's not changing now" I totally disagree, but hey he's not my kid.
It is upsetting since DH and I get along and have stability in our marriage and just had a loss, while SIL and brother get to bring another child into their troubled marriage.
I excused myself from the table and DH came with. I think my parents finally saw how much I was hurting.
It has been two months since the loss.
It had been a few weeks since I cried about the loss.
I was our grandparents anniversary party.
The party I was going to announce our pregnancy.
It was a bit of an open wound.
At dinner we had my parents, bother, SIL, my nephew, aunt, uncle, cousins, and grandparents together. I love my cousins and I rarely get to see them. I was so happy to be with them, it was a great night. SIL (sister-in-law) said she wasnt feeling well and wanted to go sit in another room my brother went with. It hit me Holy Shit she's pregnant. When they left the table I looked at my parents and asked quietly. My mom says no shaking her head and my father had a smirk on his face.
I didn't know which was worse my mom blatantly lying to me or my dad smirking. It was as if he was smirking at my misery. My suspicion had been confirmed. She was pregnant. Tears streamed down my face. There was no holding back. This meal that I was supposed to announce our pregnancy, I find out about hers.
I was so upset. My Brother and SIL have the most unstable marriage I've ever seen. My brother doesnt realize most of the comments he makes to others are border line abusive and hurtful. We barely have a relationship. I am shocked SIL hasnt left him yet let alone have another child. My parents never corrected his behavior and outbursts, I guess they feel partly responsible for the way he turned out. When he treats my parents like shit, they just accept it. "He's a grown man, he's not changing now" I totally disagree, but hey he's not my kid.
It is upsetting since DH and I get along and have stability in our marriage and just had a loss, while SIL and brother get to bring another child into their troubled marriage.
I excused myself from the table and DH came with. I think my parents finally saw how much I was hurting.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Day by Day
I often look back at situations in my life and think wow I was so dumb and naive. Even if that memory was only 2 months ago.
When we started TTC, I said to G-d please allow me to get pregnant quickly even if it ends in miscarriage so I know I can get pregnant. I cant believe I said that. After experiencing a miscarriage, I believe that was probably the dumbest thing I've ever asked G-d.
About a week and a half after our loss, I only cried 5 days a day which was good for me. It was so difficult to move past it. Fortunately, I had the online forum with a miscarriage board. I met other people experiencing what I was. It was helpful to talk to someone going through the same thing. I dont know why miscarriages are not talked about and kind of a taboo subject. People are suffering in silence. I told a few friends IRL what had happened. They felt bad and awkward. I guess it's an awkward topic especially since they have kids. Thankfully I had the forum.
Day by day it got better. It was still hard. I dont think anyone except for DH knew how hard it was for me. I couldn't go a day without crying.
When we started TTC, I said to G-d please allow me to get pregnant quickly even if it ends in miscarriage so I know I can get pregnant. I cant believe I said that. After experiencing a miscarriage, I believe that was probably the dumbest thing I've ever asked G-d.
About a week and a half after our loss, I only cried 5 days a day which was good for me. It was so difficult to move past it. Fortunately, I had the online forum with a miscarriage board. I met other people experiencing what I was. It was helpful to talk to someone going through the same thing. I dont know why miscarriages are not talked about and kind of a taboo subject. People are suffering in silence. I told a few friends IRL what had happened. They felt bad and awkward. I guess it's an awkward topic especially since they have kids. Thankfully I had the forum.
Day by day it got better. It was still hard. I dont think anyone except for DH knew how hard it was for me. I couldn't go a day without crying.
Now what?
I was devistated. DH didnt know what to do with me. I cried and cried. I did not leave my bed for a week. I felt so numb. For those who never suffered a loss, it is hard to relate. I felt as if a living relitive had died. It was the same pain. I cannot imagine every going through that again, and I pray to G-d I wont have to.
I grew up with amazing parents who allowed me to have a privileged life. I went to expensive camps, got great gifts, and really was never denied anything (Except a furby when I was 9. I never got one and really wanted it) Really I cannot complain they would do anything and everything for me.
Having a child is one thing I cannot control. It is difficult for me to wait and try and wait and test. I am so used to instant gratification. So to not have any control for me is hard. I am the controlling leader type. I need to know whats going on, have a plan, and execute.
In this situation, I was helpless.
I grew up with amazing parents who allowed me to have a privileged life. I went to expensive camps, got great gifts, and really was never denied anything (Except a furby when I was 9. I never got one and really wanted it) Really I cannot complain they would do anything and everything for me.
Having a child is one thing I cannot control. It is difficult for me to wait and try and wait and test. I am so used to instant gratification. So to not have any control for me is hard. I am the controlling leader type. I need to know whats going on, have a plan, and execute.
In this situation, I was helpless.
Aug 7th
I sat in the waiting room knowing it was over. It was so hard to admit it to myself. I watched pregnant women enter and leave the waiting room envious of what they have and I dont anymore. It was touture, watching them with their babies and swollen bellies.
The worst part, going to an OB that everyone uses your going to see someone you know. There she was, someone I casually know we exchanged hellos. I tried to keep from crying. She then turns to me points to my stomach and says "congratulations"really!!! really!?!? if only she knew! I guess since I was married a year and half and at an OB she would assume. but really??!! Ugh!
Ultrasound revealed an empty uterus, just as I expected.
The worst part, going to an OB that everyone uses your going to see someone you know. There she was, someone I casually know we exchanged hellos. I tried to keep from crying. She then turns to me points to my stomach and says "congratulations"really!!! really!?!? if only she knew! I guess since I was married a year and half and at an OB she would assume. but really??!! Ugh!
Ultrasound revealed an empty uterus, just as I expected.
August 5th 2012
One day before my 6 week ultra sound...
The past two weeks all I did was talk about the bean growing inside me, look up names, nursery ideas, maternity clothes etc. Every night I would talk to DH about our hopes and dreams for little bean. I was obsessed! I loved this thing growing inside me that I have never met! Only 7.5 months until we finally meet!
My appt was Monday the 6th. Sunday the 5th DH and I went to the movies. I needed to use the bathroom before so ran quickly so I wouldn't miss the previews. There is was, my biggest fear... little dots of red blood. I panicked. It was so small, it could be nothing. I am seeing the OB the next day. It was probably normal spotting. The spotting never stopped, it just increased. My mom went with me to the OB the next day. I was petrified.
We sat in the waiting room for what seemed like hours. The practice has three doctors, A, B, and C. My entire community uses Dr B. Since I was new at all this I did not specify I wanted him. My appointment was with Dr. A. Finally I was led into the ultrasound room. There it was little bean! On the monitor all cute and tiny! Dr. A said it's measuring at about 4 weeks. My heart dropped. 4 weeks? I should be 6 weeks! I had a BFP more than 4 weeks ago 4 weeks is impossible! I knew it was over, tears streamed down my face maybe just maybe I calculated wrong, and everything was ok.
That night was the worst. I kept bleeding and bleeding. I passed clots and eventually the sac. I couldnt stop crying. There it was my bean we finally met just 7 months too early. I barely slept. I called the OB the next day to tell them, they told me to come in for blood work and another ultrasound.
The past two weeks all I did was talk about the bean growing inside me, look up names, nursery ideas, maternity clothes etc. Every night I would talk to DH about our hopes and dreams for little bean. I was obsessed! I loved this thing growing inside me that I have never met! Only 7.5 months until we finally meet!
My appt was Monday the 6th. Sunday the 5th DH and I went to the movies. I needed to use the bathroom before so ran quickly so I wouldn't miss the previews. There is was, my biggest fear... little dots of red blood. I panicked. It was so small, it could be nothing. I am seeing the OB the next day. It was probably normal spotting. The spotting never stopped, it just increased. My mom went with me to the OB the next day. I was petrified.
We sat in the waiting room for what seemed like hours. The practice has three doctors, A, B, and C. My entire community uses Dr B. Since I was new at all this I did not specify I wanted him. My appointment was with Dr. A. Finally I was led into the ultrasound room. There it was little bean! On the monitor all cute and tiny! Dr. A said it's measuring at about 4 weeks. My heart dropped. 4 weeks? I should be 6 weeks! I had a BFP more than 4 weeks ago 4 weeks is impossible! I knew it was over, tears streamed down my face maybe just maybe I calculated wrong, and everything was ok.
That night was the worst. I kept bleeding and bleeding. I passed clots and eventually the sac. I couldnt stop crying. There it was my bean we finally met just 7 months too early. I barely slept. I called the OB the next day to tell them, they told me to come in for blood work and another ultrasound.
BFP!!
Tuesday Day 9... BIG FAT POSITIVE!! (BFP)
Estimated Due date: April 2013!
Granted it wasn't January, but hey I guess that's what my mom meant when she said it can take a while.
I was thrilled. DH not so much :( He secretly wished it took longer, but he had 9 months to get used to the idea!! I was 3weeks and 4 days Pregnant! I couldn't be happier!
That Thursday I told my parents. I was so excited! My mother first response "are you sure?" really mom? No The test said Not pregnant, but it must be wrong! really?!?! Yes I am sure!!! Next response: wow that was quick. Yup! and I coulnt be happier!
My Spring baby! I could not wait!
My entire extended family was getting together for our grandparents anniversary party in October exactly when I would be in trimester 2 and I was so excited to tell them all!
I called the OB the next morning and scheduled an ultrasound on August 6th When I would be 6weeks exactly. I could not wait to see our little bean!
Estimated Due date: April 2013!
Granted it wasn't January, but hey I guess that's what my mom meant when she said it can take a while.
I was thrilled. DH not so much :( He secretly wished it took longer, but he had 9 months to get used to the idea!! I was 3weeks and 4 days Pregnant! I couldn't be happier!
That Thursday I told my parents. I was so excited! My mother first response "are you sure?" really mom? No The test said Not pregnant, but it must be wrong! really?!?! Yes I am sure!!! Next response: wow that was quick. Yup! and I coulnt be happier!
My Spring baby! I could not wait!
My entire extended family was getting together for our grandparents anniversary party in October exactly when I would be in trimester 2 and I was so excited to tell them all!
I called the OB the next morning and scheduled an ultrasound on August 6th When I would be 6weeks exactly. I could not wait to see our little bean!
TTC take 2!
So April was a bust since I was a newbie! Since my cycles are longer (mentioned in last post) I didnt start the next cycle until June.
I was committed to making sure I had timing down right!
I used OPKs and temped everyday. I O'd day 29! confirmed and had great timing O-3, 0-2, 0-1, and O+1. Perrrrffeeecct!! We hit 5 out of 6 days of our fertile window.
Now comes to 2ww (2 week wait) thats the time period after Ovulation while egg fertilized and implants if your pregnant. It is supposed to be 14 days hence the 2ww, but people have been able to get + hPT (home preg. test) as little as 8 days after.
day 8- Negative
day 9-......
I was committed to making sure I had timing down right!
I used OPKs and temped everyday. I O'd day 29! confirmed and had great timing O-3, 0-2, 0-1, and O+1. Perrrrffeeecct!! We hit 5 out of 6 days of our fertile window.
Now comes to 2ww (2 week wait) thats the time period after Ovulation while egg fertilized and implants if your pregnant. It is supposed to be 14 days hence the 2ww, but people have been able to get + hPT (home preg. test) as little as 8 days after.
day 8- Negative
day 9-......
TTC take 1!
April our first month offically TTC!
I knew there was specific timing in your cycle you needed to hit in order to get pregnant. That is basically all I knew. So, since I am the type of person who commits to someone and goes all out I did some googling.
I came across a website, it was a forum for people who are TTC. Perfect, I joined and posted some questions. Who knew that day I would meet some women on that site who I am closer with than some of my IRL (in real life) friends.
Quickly, I learned about ovulation, fertile window, OPKs, bail body thermometers, and charting. Basically, by taking your temp. everyday at the same time you can confirm after O (Ovulation) occurs. You use OPKs (Ovulation predictor kits) to figure out before you O. So you can pinpoint when Ovulation occurs.
April was our trial month, since I was new to all this my O calculation was a little off. But I did learn that I did not have the standard 28 day cycle Oing on day 14. (most women dont) instead my cycles are from 35-40 days and I dont Ovulate until late 20s. that cycle day 28.
I swear by charting, if I didnt use it I would have assumed I Od two weeks before I actually did!
Pros and Cons to long cycles:
Pro: you dont go to the Mikveh as often, and your not in Niddah longer.
Con: You have less chances a year to get pregnant, since your not Oing as Often.
I knew there was specific timing in your cycle you needed to hit in order to get pregnant. That is basically all I knew. So, since I am the type of person who commits to someone and goes all out I did some googling.
I came across a website, it was a forum for people who are TTC. Perfect, I joined and posted some questions. Who knew that day I would meet some women on that site who I am closer with than some of my IRL (in real life) friends.
Quickly, I learned about ovulation, fertile window, OPKs, bail body thermometers, and charting. Basically, by taking your temp. everyday at the same time you can confirm after O (Ovulation) occurs. You use OPKs (Ovulation predictor kits) to figure out before you O. So you can pinpoint when Ovulation occurs.
April was our trial month, since I was new to all this my O calculation was a little off. But I did learn that I did not have the standard 28 day cycle Oing on day 14. (most women dont) instead my cycles are from 35-40 days and I dont Ovulate until late 20s. that cycle day 28.
I swear by charting, if I didnt use it I would have assumed I Od two weeks before I actually did!
Pros and Cons to long cycles:
Pro: you dont go to the Mikveh as often, and your not in Niddah longer.
Con: You have less chances a year to get pregnant, since your not Oing as Often.
I'm Ready!!!!
By April 2011, I was ready! I wanted to expand our family! I was psyched to start trying and have a baby January 2012! It only takes 9 months right? Just needed to get DH on board.
When I first brought it up, he was shocked and extremely against it. He told me he wasn't ready to have a child for at least 3-5 years. (Yah right, that's not happening) With a bit of persuasion and some time he finally agreed to begin trying. :)
When I first brought it up, he was shocked and extremely against it. He told me he wasn't ready to have a child for at least 3-5 years. (Yah right, that's not happening) With a bit of persuasion and some time he finally agreed to begin trying. :)
Some Background...
I am not one to blog, but there is something refreshing about writing down my thoughts and feelings.
So.. where to begin...
DH (husband) and I got married roughly two years ago. When we were engaged my mother told me that since we are young we should wait at least two years before deciding to have a kid. At the time, I couldn't agree more, I was young enjoying life, and did not want to be tied down to a baby just yet.
Six months into marriage, all our friends around us starting becoming pregnant. There must have been some pact going on, since everyone was due within the same six months. I guess the idea is great, friends having babies together so their babies will be friends.
Now, I kind if regret not thinking about it then since it's nice for everyone's kids to be in the same grade. Oh well!
Even though there were baby announcements left and right, I had no interest in becoming a parent yet. I enjoyed going out with friends on the weekends, doing things on my schedule, and just being a selfish newlywed.
Our first anniversary rolls around, everyone babies had popped by then, no one can go out anymore. it's all play dates and oohing and ahhing over everyone's kids. I mean I love kids, so I did participate, but it was frustrating now having a couple to go out with anymore. Still no desire yet.
DH and I ended up moving a month later in January 2012, apparently that baby pact was national since our new friends here also had babies within that 6 month time frame. I think at the point I entertained the idea about having a kid. I didn't tell DH, since I still wasn't sure. My mother, the one who kept insisting we wait two years, changed her tune. Now she kept saying that we should start trying soon "you don't know how long is can take." What does that mean? Isn't it 9 months? I was so naive!
So.. where to begin...
DH (husband) and I got married roughly two years ago. When we were engaged my mother told me that since we are young we should wait at least two years before deciding to have a kid. At the time, I couldn't agree more, I was young enjoying life, and did not want to be tied down to a baby just yet.
Six months into marriage, all our friends around us starting becoming pregnant. There must have been some pact going on, since everyone was due within the same six months. I guess the idea is great, friends having babies together so their babies will be friends.
Now, I kind if regret not thinking about it then since it's nice for everyone's kids to be in the same grade. Oh well!
Even though there were baby announcements left and right, I had no interest in becoming a parent yet. I enjoyed going out with friends on the weekends, doing things on my schedule, and just being a selfish newlywed.
Our first anniversary rolls around, everyone babies had popped by then, no one can go out anymore. it's all play dates and oohing and ahhing over everyone's kids. I mean I love kids, so I did participate, but it was frustrating now having a couple to go out with anymore. Still no desire yet.
DH and I ended up moving a month later in January 2012, apparently that baby pact was national since our new friends here also had babies within that 6 month time frame. I think at the point I entertained the idea about having a kid. I didn't tell DH, since I still wasn't sure. My mother, the one who kept insisting we wait two years, changed her tune. Now she kept saying that we should start trying soon "you don't know how long is can take." What does that mean? Isn't it 9 months? I was so naive!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)