Hello Progesterone!

I made sure to get an appointment as soon as possible. Dr. prescribed me on 200mg of progesterone daily and follow up December 20th to make sure its working.
He did an enternal exam, and saw no blood. Hopefully the low progesterone was caught early.
Apprently 5 is the LOWEST amount of progesterone one can have to sustain a pregnancy. Thank Gd I was so pushy to get blood drawn.

Hope it helps!

DH and I are going on a cruise this weekend, I am excited to get away and not think about all this crap :)

...and the other shoe drops!

After the u/s yesterday, I walked into my OB's office. I wanted to switch my appt next week to another Dr in the practice. I am not happy with mine. He did not have any available appointments. I asked if I could get bloodwork done. From charting I know my LP was really short. I rather be safe than sorry.

Luckily I did, my HCG was very high! My progesterone dropped to 5. Thankfully I called the nurse for the results and she says "yah you need to come in tomorrow to see the Dr." why wouldnt you call me this morning? I would have rushed over!!! I hate that I am just another patient and they dont care! Ughh! So yesterday I was on a high, now back low.

Hopefully I can get some supplements and we will be back on track!

thump thump, thump thump.

It's a heartbeat!!!

I can't believe it! I was so nervous for the ultrasound today. It brought back all the fears and disappointments from my last pregnancy. I was so relieved. I am still petrified. I dont think I will be ok  until July. Day by day!

DH went with me today. To me he seemed like he didn't care, he wasn't excited or anything. He just said "yah it's what I expected" He isn't the type to get excited or giddy, but it would be nice if he would. Hopefully when peanut starts looking like a person he will be more excited.

Waiting game...

I have my u/s appointment tomorrow. I am excited but nervous! Symptoms have come and gone, but from what I read that's normal. I wish I had some m/s so I would feel more reassured :)

I am concerned about my progesterone levels dropping. I am not going to my reg. dr tomorrow so I cant ask. That appt in next week. I hate waiting another week. I guess Ill see what happens tomorrow, fx everything turns out ok! Please peanut be ok!

Having some pain...

It could be my PGAL brain (preg. after a loss) but I had some pain on my right side.

I called the OB, they wanted to rule out an eptopic pregnancy (when fert. egg implants in tube not uterus) I went to the a different doctor. Mine was full, so they sent me somewhere else.

I was 4week 6 days that day, The tech did an ultrasound. There was peanut! measuring 5weeks 1 day. :) 

Here is peanut!

They found a cyst on my ovary, which is normal during pregnancy. I was advised not to do strenuous activity and relax.
It is routine for this place to see me in 2 weeks to follow up. I should be 6weeks 4 days at the next ultrasound. Hopefully there will be a heartbeat! Once we see a heartbeat then I will tell our parents. Please G-d let there be a heartbeat!

EDD: July 26 2013

I did get pregnant again extremely quickly. I was extremely happy. G-d willing this once results in a healthy baby.
I cannot imagine going through another loss.

I call the doctor. I wanted to come in for blood work to make sure my betas (hgc level and progesterone levels are going up)

Beta#1: HCG 25 Prog. 11.4

25 is low, but as long as it doubles in 24-36 hours we are in good shape!
11.4 is low. normal is 20, but my OB doesnt give supplements unless  your below 9.

Beta#2 HCG 75 Prog. 12.2
Trippled!  thats awesome!!
Prog is low. I am concerned. Dr said its fine.

The issue with my OB, they have many patients I feel like a bother every time I call. its a factory one person in the the next. I feel like they don't know your name It is very impersonal. Not so happy with them.

Here we go again

So finally a new cycle started after our miscarriage. Here we go again!

It's the end of September. Our journey started in April.

6 months and only two cycles to show for it. Guess it takes longer than 9 months!

Since my loss, my cycle was out of wack. Instead of Ovulating in the 20s. I didnt until day 35. Timing was decent.

8dpo (days past O) - Neg.
9dpo- Neg.
11dpo. POSITIVE! here we go again!

Family meeting

My mom and dad told me to come over.  They wanted to talk about my emotions and how I was feeling. Two months late, but whatever. My dad kind of understood what I was going though. My Mom not really. Oh well. Thankfully, she never expirienced it.

One step forward, two steps back

October.

It has been two months since the loss.
It had been a few weeks since I cried about the loss.
I was our grandparents anniversary party.
The party I was going to announce our pregnancy.
It was a bit of an open wound.

At dinner we had my parents, bother, SIL, my nephew, aunt, uncle, cousins, and grandparents together. I love my cousins and I rarely get to see them. I was so happy to be with them, it was a great night. SIL (sister-in-law) said she wasnt feeling well and wanted to go sit in another room my brother went with. It hit me Holy Shit she's pregnant. When they left the table I looked at my parents and asked quietly. My mom says no shaking her head and my father had a smirk on his face.

I didn't know which was worse my mom blatantly lying to me or my dad smirking. It was as if he was smirking at my misery. My suspicion had been confirmed. She was pregnant. Tears streamed down my face. There was no holding back. This meal that I was supposed to announce our pregnancy, I find out about hers.

I was so upset. My Brother and SIL have the most unstable marriage I've ever seen. My brother doesnt realize most of the comments he makes to others are border line abusive and hurtful. We barely have a relationship. I am shocked SIL hasnt left him yet let alone have another child. My parents never corrected his behavior and outbursts, I guess they feel partly responsible for the way he turned out. When he treats my parents like shit, they just accept it. "He's a grown man, he's not changing now" I totally disagree, but hey he's not my kid.

It is upsetting since DH and I get along and have stability in our marriage and just had a loss, while SIL and brother get to bring another child into their troubled marriage.

I excused myself from the table and DH came with. I think my parents finally saw how much I was hurting.

Day by Day

I often look back at situations in my life and think wow I was so dumb and naive. Even if that memory was only 2 months ago.

When we started TTC, I said to G-d please allow me to get pregnant quickly even if it ends in miscarriage so I know I can get pregnant. I cant believe I said that. After experiencing a miscarriage, I believe that was probably the dumbest thing I've ever asked G-d.

About a week and a half after our loss, I only cried 5 days a day which was good for me. It was so difficult to move past it. Fortunately, I had the online forum with a miscarriage board. I met other people experiencing what I was. It was helpful to talk to someone going through the same thing.  I dont know why miscarriages are not talked about and kind of a taboo subject. People are suffering in silence. I told a few friends IRL what had happened. They felt bad and awkward. I guess it's an awkward topic especially since they have kids. Thankfully I had the forum.

Day by day it got better. It was still hard. I dont think anyone except for DH knew how hard it was for me. I couldn't go a day without crying.